It's been quite a weekend for the family. Dad was rushed to the hospital Thursday; when he got there they said he was in immediate danger of a heart attack. A stent the next morning cleared up that problem, but as I look back on the past few days, I see it as a momentary calm in a stormy weekend. Before the weekend is over my sister Mary will be in the Emergency Room herself.
Later Friday afternoon dad suffered a setback that turned into quite a panic. I think it was more serious than the doctor says, his vitals dropped sending every nurse and doctor on the floor into his room, shuffling my mom and sister Kathleen out into the hallway. Whatever color of Code Blue or Red included summoning the Chaplain and I got a teary phone call from Kathleen when they didn't know just how serious this incident was. It was up to me to contact the siblings.
In this day and age how can you reach out to 3 people and not get any response?
Later Friday afternoon dad suffered a setback that turned into quite a panic. I think it was more serious than the doctor says, his vitals dropped sending every nurse and doctor on the floor into his room, shuffling my mom and sister Kathleen out into the hallway. Whatever color of Code Blue or Red included summoning the Chaplain and I got a teary phone call from Kathleen when they didn't know just how serious this incident was. It was up to me to contact the siblings.
In this day and age how can you reach out to 3 people and not get any response?
Three that know their dad is in the hospital for a heart procedure. That was my dilemma as I tried calling Maureen, Mary and brother Eric. Only when I thought to call Eric's wife Eileen did I make the first connection. Turns out he was on his boat off Catalina Island for the weekend. When I suggested he might start to pack a suitcase as I was doing, "I just put 2 steaks on the grill" was his response.
Meanwhile Maureen was arranging to fly up from San Diego. She'd already heard the news and was arranging for Andy to care for the kids. Then Mary called, from Las Vegas. "I couldn't hear my phone in the casino and when I looked and saw all the messages I knew something was up." She was about to fly home to Maine the next day, but I encouraged her to fly the other way instead. Kathleen said they were both a huge help, especially dealing with mom.
Time for a little background... my parents have been 'visiting' since Valentines Day. Visiting is my term, they call it kidnapping. They want to return to the cottage in New Hampshire, it's the season to be there, but they've had one calamity after another since arriving in California. First it was my mother; on day 2 she split open her leg requiring 17 stitches then the day she flew from Newport Beach to Palo Alto she was diagnosed with pneumonia. This cascade of maladies kept setting back any thoughts of flights home. But there was more; my mom's dementia was noticeably advanced since last summer. And the crying, she'd sit in a chair at my house overlooking the ocean which I thought would bring her some peace, but instead the tears were constant. Although she was better with her week long visit to Eric's, she was working her tear ducts at Kathleen's. I raised the issue again, "she's depressed, let's get her anti-depressants and end this funk". Kathleen brought them to her doctor, but apparently this doctor saw more than just a little case of the blues, so he ordered a series of tests for both mom and dad. Cat scans, blood work and cognitive tests filled the next few days and although we're still waiting for some of the results, the cognitive tests offered immediate feedback. My mom failed the simple tests, see Kathleen's report. So they've been in limbo while they wait the results and they're not taking it well. Each day they grouse about assisted living and wanting to live on their own. "I should be able to live where I want even if it means starving to death," dad ranted during the Hearst Castle weekend wrap up at Carmel Valley. However patient anyone of us is to answer their concerns about lifestyle, they struggle to make new memories so tomorrow it's another day of questions and resentments all over again.
Dad's heart problems may clear up quickly as many stent wearers know, but meanwhile he's increasingly delusional, "sundowner" syndrome Kathleen called it. He's lucid much of the day, but looses his grasp as they day winds down. He had to have a full time nurse in his room because he was removing the wires and tubes used to monitor him. We saw similar behavior in Boston while he recovered from his new valve. Now he's on anti-psychotics, vomiting and complaining of stomach pain. A gallbladder infection gets added to the list. Sure, let's ship him back to NH. Kathleen announces that he can't come home to her house, they'll have to move into assisted living. It's taken a crisis, but it's the right decision for all concerned.
So it's time for my sister Mary to return home:
"I got motion sickness, got nauseous + when trying to get to bathroom I passed out on the plane last night + dislocated + fractured my right ankle in two places. the crew on plane were great. Tons of pain. On morphine. I'll tell you whole story when I see you. I've been in emerg since landing in Maine at noon. I have surgery tom afternoon + will have to stay off my foot completely for about 2 weeks and crutches afterward for up to 10 weeks. But will know more after surgery - my 1st one). No phone in emerg room and cell isn't working in here. I can call u when I get to my room, or can call in AM. What a nightmare. Let's see how surg goes and we'll come up w a plan. I can work at home while recuperating. Does dad need gallbladder out? Feel so bad for m+d, but let's take it a day at a time this week before making flights. Pls let all K + sibs know. It I had just stayed in my seat I wouldn't have fallen but I was so sick..."
What a weekend!
Meanwhile Maureen was arranging to fly up from San Diego. She'd already heard the news and was arranging for Andy to care for the kids. Then Mary called, from Las Vegas. "I couldn't hear my phone in the casino and when I looked and saw all the messages I knew something was up." She was about to fly home to Maine the next day, but I encouraged her to fly the other way instead. Kathleen said they were both a huge help, especially dealing with mom.
Time for a little background... my parents have been 'visiting' since Valentines Day. Visiting is my term, they call it kidnapping. They want to return to the cottage in New Hampshire, it's the season to be there, but they've had one calamity after another since arriving in California. First it was my mother; on day 2 she split open her leg requiring 17 stitches then the day she flew from Newport Beach to Palo Alto she was diagnosed with pneumonia. This cascade of maladies kept setting back any thoughts of flights home. But there was more; my mom's dementia was noticeably advanced since last summer. And the crying, she'd sit in a chair at my house overlooking the ocean which I thought would bring her some peace, but instead the tears were constant. Although she was better with her week long visit to Eric's, she was working her tear ducts at Kathleen's. I raised the issue again, "she's depressed, let's get her anti-depressants and end this funk". Kathleen brought them to her doctor, but apparently this doctor saw more than just a little case of the blues, so he ordered a series of tests for both mom and dad. Cat scans, blood work and cognitive tests filled the next few days and although we're still waiting for some of the results, the cognitive tests offered immediate feedback. My mom failed the simple tests, see Kathleen's report. So they've been in limbo while they wait the results and they're not taking it well. Each day they grouse about assisted living and wanting to live on their own. "I should be able to live where I want even if it means starving to death," dad ranted during the Hearst Castle weekend wrap up at Carmel Valley. However patient anyone of us is to answer their concerns about lifestyle, they struggle to make new memories so tomorrow it's another day of questions and resentments all over again.
Dad's heart problems may clear up quickly as many stent wearers know, but meanwhile he's increasingly delusional, "sundowner" syndrome Kathleen called it. He's lucid much of the day, but looses his grasp as they day winds down. He had to have a full time nurse in his room because he was removing the wires and tubes used to monitor him. We saw similar behavior in Boston while he recovered from his new valve. Now he's on anti-psychotics, vomiting and complaining of stomach pain. A gallbladder infection gets added to the list. Sure, let's ship him back to NH. Kathleen announces that he can't come home to her house, they'll have to move into assisted living. It's taken a crisis, but it's the right decision for all concerned.
So it's time for my sister Mary to return home:
"I got motion sickness, got nauseous + when trying to get to bathroom I passed out on the plane last night + dislocated + fractured my right ankle in two places. the crew on plane were great. Tons of pain. On morphine. I'll tell you whole story when I see you. I've been in emerg since landing in Maine at noon. I have surgery tom afternoon + will have to stay off my foot completely for about 2 weeks and crutches afterward for up to 10 weeks. But will know more after surgery - my 1st one). No phone in emerg room and cell isn't working in here. I can call u when I get to my room, or can call in AM. What a nightmare. Let's see how surg goes and we'll come up w a plan. I can work at home while recuperating. Does dad need gallbladder out? Feel so bad for m+d, but let's take it a day at a time this week before making flights. Pls let all K + sibs know. It I had just stayed in my seat I wouldn't have fallen but I was so sick..."
What a weekend!
regarding your comment about: "When I suggested he might start to pack a suitcase as I was doing, "I just put 2 steaks on the grill" was his response." i believe you may have taken my comments out of context. If someone asks you what your are doing 5 minutes into a conversation and you say I just put some steaks on the grill you shouldn't attribute that statement to a comment you made earlier about packing a suitcase.
give me a F'ing break. I was and still am just as concerned for my father as everyone else in this family. Please do not attribute quotations to me or mention me on your blog anymore. If i cannot have a conversation with my brother without it being either recorded without my permission or being written down for a publication that i did not permit then i will cease my conversations with you.